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Cancelled novel

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486 player
Gaming Demi-god
Gaming Demi-god

Joined: 18 Sep 2002
Posts: 1185

PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 2:47 pm     Post subject: Cancelled novel Reply with quote

Recently I found a novel I wrote by a type writer over 10 years ago when inspired from Keen 4. Before you criticize the facts and details, keep in mind that it was written by a kid who knew only little English and from the character or mythology only the story of the game.
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486 player
Gaming Demi-god
Gaming Demi-god

Joined: 18 Sep 2002
Posts: 1185

PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 2:59 pm     Post subject: Reply with quote

"Officer Candidate"


In one beautiful summer day in the year 3236 an airmail plane lands front of a department of an Texan family. Its door opens
and a man weared in overall and goes to front of post hatch behind the plane, which opens. With conveyor belt landing
from it, comes a package of size of the man. The man takes form inside pocket of overall a device, which looks like a remote
control and presses one of its buttons. From the device comes off a beam which shrinks the package to size of a Soccer ball.
The man takes the package, walks on the door and stops there.

A buzzer rings inside the house. The master leaves the book he's reading aside and goes to the door, presses a button and
the door opens.
-"Good morning Mr Blaze", postman greets. " I have a package to officer candidate Keen. The rest of the mail is in the box."
-"Billy! There is a package for you!", Mr Blaze yells.
-"Just a minute!", sounds a voice from upstairs. It takes a moment and Billy comes down the stairs. He's 7 years old, brown
haired kid, who has large blue eyes, wears blue jeans a pink sweater and sneakers. The man hands the package to him.
-"It'll enlarge itself ot its right size in three minutes. Sign here, please." Postman shows the lower part of the paper with
his finger and hands a pen to Billy, who gives it to his father.
-"You sign it , dad, I'm underage." Mr Blaze signs and meanwhile Keen takes the package to his room.


Billy drops the package down and steps back to wait its return to norma size. When the package has enlarged, Billy opens
first the wrapper and takes a chair under his desk and climps on it to open the cover of the box. In front of his eyes is
a letter, whch he takes and sits down to read it.

Dear Keen:

You have been approved to final test of Academy of Starfleet. You are the youngest officer candidate of all times. But do not
think that you will become a commander just like that. You will be demanted a lot of strength and agility, because commanders
will get -as you know- just a tiny rocket, which will let you to land on planets, but which is not even as good as
the smallet bomber existence, or an assigment to some starship.

If you pass, then you are one of the members of Starfleet.

Good luck:

Mark Hoggel,
Head Master of the Academy of Starfleet

After reading the letter, Keen holers from joy: he passed the entrance examination! He ran downstairs to show the letter to
his father. In fact, in one morning, Keen had readed a prospectus of space facilities and discovered the Academy of
the Starfleet, which was looking for more troops to Spacem arines. Because the prospectus didn't have ratings, he sent
an application to them. After getting the answer, he entered for entrance and left to wait exactly this letter.

Keen carefully turned over the packeage and gegun to rummage paddinget. Soon he found a helmet which fitted his head like
aglove, it was yellow with sticker reaching from front to back. There were also parts of a thingamajig and assembly
istructions inside the box. With a tongue in cheek, Keen took two parts fitting together and begun to follow the

His father had heared some noices and desided to peek, what on earth his son was doing. After opening the door, he shaked
his head: Keen was fitting wires and a lever, that is.
-"Billy", Father sighed. "That's not going to work, Lemme help."
Together they finished the machine. It was some kind of Radio. Keen took a paper to his hand and tied his equipment.
_"Academy of the Starfleet, This is Officer candidate Keen! Do you copy?!
Half of ab hour he tried and finallygot a reply:
_"Yes we copy very well, but you're just a kid!
_"Yes I am", Keen answered. "But I'm approved. When you'll get me?"
The receiver thoughed for a moment and then answered:
-"Some time in tomorrow""
-"Roger,!" Over and out!"
-"Over and out!"
Keen rub his hands, jumped holering to roof and ran downstairs for supper.


Keen had wait a long time the buzzer to ring. Once it did, but was just the postman. Keen had bitten his nails to end and was
nursed by his mother, when the buzzer rang. Keen jumped up from the chair so quickly that his mother fell down. Keen opened
the door where ,behind of it, stood the lieutenant who was picking him up and who falled to his back when Keen jumped on his
-"wait here!", he hollered. "I won't be long!"
With a quick run he got his pogo stick from his room and almost overturned the lieutenat when running past him.
-"Is your son allways like that?", he asked Mr blaze, who came next to him.
-"No", he answered. Keen was already sitting on a chair when lieutenat finally entered and the ship rised to the space.

The first one who spoke, was the lieutenant.
-"You must call your superiors 'Sir'."
-"Yes sir, but nobody in my family has ever sired anybody, so 'I don't know what the calling 'Sir' is."
Lieutenant shaked his head.
-"Then you'll have a lot of difficulties when you school."
-" I know", Keen said grinning. "I was really lucky that I was even approved to examination."
They had chats about this and that when they finally got there.
-"Transport ship A37275-K875 asks for clearance to dock", lieutenant reported.
-"State your code.", was the answer.
Lieutenant stated and and waited for confirmation.
-"Code confirmed. Dock to gate 7!", was heard after a minute.
They docked, a pipe stcked to side of the ship and the door opened.

Lieutenat came out first. Keen looked around. There were Spacemarines moving everyhere, who all lauched at keen, who became
indignat at it.
-"Come.". lieutent tapped Keen to his back and told him that he must enrol at the head master. They went into a waiting room
and liutenant reported Keen, who already was sitting on a bench legs crossed watching other people mouth a bit open.


It was finally Keen's turn. A cadet let him in. The head Master stood behind his desk.
-"Sit down.",he said.
Keen sat and took a comfortable position.
-"In spite of your youth. you have been approved here. Are you happy?," head master asked.
-"Of course I am!", Keen answered.
-"that's good. Get some instructor here!", head master yelled to other cadet next to door.
-"Yes, Sir!", cadet said and got out to another side of the door.

It took a while before cadet came back with the instructor.
-"Sit down.", head master said. Af ter the instructor had sat, Head master said to him:
-"This is Billy Blaze, also known as Keen.
Keen and instructor shook hands.
-"My name is Alex Hogger."
-"Nice to meet you.", Keen answered smiling.
-"Now when you've met each other, we may get to the point, I think", Head master said.

Head master told to Keen that he would experience hardships before he would even pass the first test, because the other
candidates were bigger and stronger than him. Also, tests were like that only a fraction of candidates would make past them.
He would meet opponents, who would do everything to laugh to his foolings around. Keen Bitgrid his teeth when he listened
these tales. He knew he would get into hard times, but didn't realise that others could be that mean.
-"But if I still make it?", he asked.
-"Then you'll be a commander.", head master answered. "You must look ahead, you know, and not to just rush forward: these
tricks aren't forbidden after all. I wish you good luck. Take him to others."
He said that to the instructor, who stood up.
-"Shall we go?", he said glancing at exited Keen.
-"Let's go.", Keen answered half hollering.


Keen followed the insructor into a big room which was full of other candidates. Keen went to a line with others and one of
them tripped him up. All others begun to laugh.
-"Who forgot her baby here?" triper asked mocky. Isntructors voice stopped the mockery laugh.
-"Candidates!", he yelled. Everybody stood seriously to attention.
-"You have all signed up to Spacemarines. The Starfleet is tough about its soldiers! Only few of you will get past even
the first test! Because I -like everybody else- am hurry here, , I only say that if I see any of you do harm to that little
one, he shall take care of his neck! Understood!?"
-"Yes, Sir!", all answered in same voice.
-"Good! I yell everybody's name one at a time and he who's name I yell, goes through that door!", he yelled pointing a door
behind him.
-"Billy Blaze!", was the first yell.

Keen went front of the door. It opened and he stepped in. The room was dark. Suddenly he hitted the wall. After he stood up
and astarted to follow the wall and stepped on something. He picked it up. It was some kind of a gun. Keen aimed straight
froward and shooted. There was only light going out of the barell which revealed that there were five canon barells ahead
of him.

Keen ducked immediately. In same time shell came out of barells. He went around the cannon and noticed wires on the floor. He
snatched them off and shooting stopped right there. At the very moment the roo lit up and somewhere outside of the room
instructors voice wasd heared:
-"Gongratulations Keen! You passed the first test!" Door opened and keen appeared to another.

All other candidates were amazed: how could that small kid survive from fahead of cannon? At the very time was somebody
other's turn. He -Like most otheres- failed and was saved at the last moment before he broked the roof when jumping in
impact of tickling shells.


One of passers stepped front of Keen.
-"Look kid, that recent doesn't mean that you're some kind of space hero.", he said. "If you think you can survive from next
test, then you must have a really big imagination. I promise to eat my uniform, if you survive from it."
-Before or after lunchbreak?", Keen taunted grinning.
-The man tried to hit Keen, but somebody took his arm.
-"Don't!", he yelled. "If you hit him, then you won't even get to go to next test!"
Candidates loosened their hold and the other returned to his place. The savior turned to Keen.
-"Of course you realise that you shouldn't provoke him.," he said.
-"Thanks for help.", Keen answered. "Do you promise to help me in the future if he tries to attack me?"
-"Sure thing!", man answered stretched his arm. "Sam!
They shook hands. The instructor ordered everybody into a line and they begunt to go toward the next test scene.

They came into a big, long,enough lit room where thou just could see ahead. Then Instructer spoke to them.
-"Candidates! You have survived from the first test. That next will not be easy either. In fact it's even harder. You must go
thorugh the track as quick as possible. I don't tell you how it is performed. That is the thing you must figure yourseleves.
Every obstackle differs form the last and recuires different tactic. I you don't survive form any, you barrier, you will be
failed. You are allowed to use tools. I am waiting those who reaches the goal in the other side of the track. Good luck!
And after saying that he disappeared form side door.

Keen's turn was fifth. He dashed to run when he heard the starting mark and climbed up a rope front of him, but then notised
that there was a long trip to a terrace. He swinged the rope, but didn't reach the edge. So he jumped and managed to catch
the edge and climbed up. When balancing on a log, Keen was on oiled plastic rollers, but didn't fall down and just reached
the next terace, where he jumped down from.

In front of him there was a gaping ravine, or at least it looked like so. Keen started to go over hanging suspension bridge.
Boards were caming off of it and Keen had to climb up many times. He couldn't run over, beacause the bridge tilted on every
step. It didn't have side ropes either. Because the britge was seen to continue and continue, took Keen the pogo stick and
skipped over it.

After finishing skipping, Keen saw a vertical metal plate front of him. This time pogo stick didn't help. Keen wasn't
itntended to give up. Enstead he begun to think an other way. He couldn't circle it either. a grazy idea sprung up in Keen's
head. He ´took a run-up and butted the plate down with his head and started climbing up a rope front of him. Just when he
was almost up, he saw his bully's grining face.

The man cut the rope with with a knife, but Keen didn't fall, but left instead to hang and climbed up quickly. Rope cutter
turned over and ran away. Keen followed his performances untill he disappeared from sight.
then keen heared threatening rumble and saw how large rock roolled to him.

Keen kept out of its way and continued through pipes, butwas forced to stop front of laser beams. Keen saw a button on
the wall and oressed it. Then beams didn't fly anymore. Luckyly he saw two small holes by the door just in time. Because he
was too short legged to stepm over invisible beam, he crounched under it. at the same time he pondered how many candidate
had to drop out begouse they were short legged.

The next barrier was the worst to keen: He had to run through an alley, where were metal blocks equiped with spikes, swinging
from ropes. The helmet saved his life once or another.
-"This doesn't work.", Keen thoughed.
This time he blocked a block with pogo stick and the block dropped down slamming. Keen got an idea andcleared his path k
eeping pogo stick front of blocks.

Keen arrived to somehow much wider looking place and goalwas dimingly visible in a long way ahead.
-"Is it over already?", Keen thoughed.
Butt suddenly something looking like an arrow dropped next to him and another to other side. Keen started to run lloking up
and curving. One of arrows, however, dropped from unexpected place and bounced from Keen's helmet.

After jumping over goal line Keen dropped to floor and strated to paint. One of instructors assistants told keen his time and
another that he had passed the test at same time whe they lifted him up. Keen staggered to him who had bet with him.
-"well,", he mocked. "Either you eat it or Alex can sprinkle it to your serving."
Everybody bursted itno laughter and the Keens tripper went to wash swearing.


It was finally a lunchbreak. Keen walk through analysation device and then to door, where he got his serving. The food didn't
appeal to Keen: smashed potatoes, vegetables, italian dessert and peanutbutter greased bread. Smashed potatoes and veggies
he got monthly, nuts and dessert he hated and the bread was hard. At first he tried to throw the food away, but changed his
mind when a control machine wailed, so Keen had to eat his plate empty. After the meal candidates were showed their rooms,
where they would sleep. Keen's roommate was Sam and the tripper took the opposite room.

In that day there were no more tests and Keen could get to know the academy with Sam. Because everybody had heared about
Keen's merits in tests, nobody laughed him anymore and Keen could walk across corridors in good mood. The rest of the day
passed off so pleasantly that pastime wasn't notised, so it was soon the time to Go to sleep.

But Keen couldn't sleep. Sam, instead, snored so loudly that thou would think him to be dismissed. Keen was going to poke
him, but thoughed again; Sam had denied to hit him, because the hitter could be failed. Finally he rose up and went to
the corridor wearing helmet.

Suddenly he strumpled over something. Keen picked it up. It was a small bomb but he didn't know it. Insted he put it to his
pyjama's pocket. Bomb weighed the pocket so much that Keen had to put it under the helmet. It was no use he was forced to
take it to his room. And after that he noticed something suspicious.

One of candidates put something into a wall and ran away. Ken went to investigate and found samekind like a bomb what he had.
From counter he realised that it was something that doesn't belong to a wall and tried to pull it off, but didn't couldn't.
Before he could finish the wrenching there was a voice:
-"What is going on here?!"
Keen turned to look and saw a group of cadets laserriffles in their hands.

-"Help me to pull that thing off!", Keen yelled back.
-"This, where numbers decreases!"
Catdets came closer and the sargeant he lead them yelled:
-"It is a bomb! Cadets, Take it off!" Cadet's did as was told; took off the bomb, put it to a pipe and pressed a button next
to it and the bomb exploded far away.

Keen told the whole story and mentioned that he had samekind of a bomb.
-"Take us into your room", sargeant ordered.
-"Yes Sir!"
Cadet opened the door. Sam jumped to sit and when he saw the sargeant, stood to attention immediately.
-"Did the candidate know that his roommate had left the room without permission?!"
-"No, Sir", Sam answered.
-"Show me the bomb!", sargeant told to Keen.
Keen gave the bomb to cadet and that to sargeant. Srg. turned the bomb over and over and then said:
-"Thank you. We will make a search and find the blamed. Have nice dreams." And after saing that he left with his cadet's to
let the roommates to sleep.


Tomorrow, after dressing up Sam asked from Keen:
-"Why did you got to legging in the corridor?"
-"You snored so loudly that I couldn't sleep."
-"Oh, but did that sargeant come here?"
-"He wanted to see that bomb?"
-"You wear your sweater needlessly: You're gonna change it anyway."
Keen hesitated.
-"I'm still gonna keep it on as long as possible."
A computer voice anoounced taht it was the time to get in line for breakfast. Every candidate stepped out from their rooms
and went to breakfast, even there were not any days and nights on the academy.

Lieutenant came onto same table with Keen and Sam.
-"Congratulations boys! You've survived until now,", he chatted. "but maybe not from the next test."
-"You're so sure?", Keen asked.
-Do you remember what I said when I got you?"
-"Then you'll have a lot of difficulties when you school.", Keen answered.
-"I actually meaned the previous, but dod you know the guy who put that bomb on the wall?"
-"It's worse case, because the head master is going to interview you."
-"But I told the whole to sargeant!", Keen cried.
-"It must be done in official way."
-He means things to be proved.", Sam corrected.
-"I'm leaving you now. Good luck onto next test."
Lieutenant rised up and left.

A cadet closed the door behind Keen when he sat on a chair.
-"Why didn't you apply what sargeant told?", Keen pressed.
-"Officer candidate Blaze!", head master scolt. "Calling 'Sir' means that you caal a person in plural! But to answer to your
question I said tha tregulations requires it."
-"What regulations?"
-"Just tell the whole thing from the beginning to end."

When going to his room Keen saw the bomber and said to him:
-"Why did you want to kill averybody?!"
Bomb fastener look to Keen and attacked. Keen stepped out and bloccked the hit with his stick. Bomber tripped him and hitted
off. Keen removed his helmet and begun to run away. Suddenly he ran into familiar sargeant.
-"He's the the bomber!", Keen excused and cadets got the candidate.

The captured was taken to lieutenant.
-"The bomber man busted, Sir!", sargeant reported.
-"At ease!", lieutenat answered turned onto captive.
-"Why did you intended to blow up a wall in academy's wall?!
-"Go on Venus!", candidate snorted.
-"Take him away!"
-Immediately after soldier left, lieutenant cooled down.
-"Thanks!", he said to keen.
-"No problemo!", keen grinned.
-"By the way, you must change your outfit to candidates suit."

Later in interviews bomb putter confessed. He worked in order of some Mortimer McMire. Newly quailified cadets would be
a threat to his plans, which he didn't know, but who's voice of self-esteem had drowned by rustle of money. From that Keen
supposed to get a nemesis, whenever he qualified. The candidate was taken back to his planet and the life in academy
returned to normal.


-"Lietenant and candidates", said a voice. "You are waited in Simulation gym!"
-"Move it!", lietenant ordered. "Tests are right now"
-"What's first?", Keen asked.
-"I'll tell it to everybody."
After dressing up both of the wnt to the gym.
-"Congratulations candidates!", lieutenat spoke. "You have survived untill now. Your physical characteristics are not tested
complitely yet. Because the lift-off simulator is broken now, we have no choice expect to go directly to a space combat. If
you explode, you have failed. After that is the surface battle. One hit, same thing. Cadets will tell you what to do.
Good luck!"

Older version of the beginning:

It was year 2036 and on a yard of an Texan department hose stops a mailcar. The driver rings the bell. Mr blaze opens
the door.
-"I have a package to officer candidate Keen." postman explains.
-"Billy! There is a package for you!", Mr Blaze yells.
Just a minute!", sounds a voice from upstairs. Billy comes down the stairs. He's about 8 years old, brown short haired kid,
who has large blue eyes and sneakers.
-"Sign here Mr. Keen, please.", postman asks.
-"You sign it , dad, I'm underage.", keen asks.
Mr Blaze signs and the man yells:
-"Max and Sam! Get that package and carry it to Mr. Keen's room!"
Two big men comes lugging a tremendous package.
-"Follow me!, Keen yells and signs with his hand. Men follows keen to his room. There is a note on the door:
"Officer candidate

Edited faulty BBCode ~dosraider
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Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 9245
Location: ROTFLMAO in Belgium.

PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 4:36 pm     Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad, not bad at all.
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Joined: 29 Jul 2014
Posts: 38

PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 5:01 am     Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice. Make a website and publish it, with a paypal donation button or something Shit-Eating Grin. It would be a fun read Wink...
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486 player
Gaming Demi-god
Gaming Demi-god

Joined: 18 Sep 2002
Posts: 1185

PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 5:11 am     Post subject: Reply with quote

If I'd written more...
Tom Hall's comments'd be cool though.

Besides I'm currently writin' a fantasy one, but it'll take years to complete.
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